drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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