PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
