There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
