$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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