I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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