I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
