She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
