Im at strip club and am horny
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Is it penis luge time yet?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
