so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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