3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
