i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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