Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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