Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
