be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
