Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
