I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
