Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
