she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
