now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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