i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
