He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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