So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
