doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
