My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
