Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
