Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
