Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
