did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
