I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
