So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
how drunk are you?
Several
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