The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
