The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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