I murdered the dance floor call the cops
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
