Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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