Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
