i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
