Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
