What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
