like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
