She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
