dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
