Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
