As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
