R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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