exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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