i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
