Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
