No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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