I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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