i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
